Random Thoughts

2012-01-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

I didn't even add why I titled it "Inhale. Exhale" My daughter told me I needed to go to yoga because I've been stressed (over the stupid house and other things). So I went. It didn't do any good today. Usually it helps. I'll try again next week.
Note to MSN, too, by the way. Many people who own homes that they rent out aren't the ogres that you make us out to be. We're barely making ends meet after holding onto a home that lost value when the housing bubble burst. We knew we would lose equity, and knew that selling right now wasn't the best idea, so we held on and hoped. We're not out here trying to get rich off the house and letting the tenants suffer through no heat and rodents. At a dinner out with some friends a while ago, of the four couple there, three were currently landlords, one had sold their rental home. Now that I think about it, they're back in this mess with us. Cut us some slack. We're not making much of the home you're in. For many of us, it was our home before it was your rental. I brought my kids home from the hospital to that home. First birthday party, countless get togethers with friends because we had the space -- not necessarily the parking, but the space, pool parties. I have fond memories of doing dishes in the tub while we had the kitchen remodeled. I sat by the wall that used to be a sliding glass door, rocking my baby when the door shattered, thanks to a stray rock hit by a weed eater.
So think about the people who loved that house. Now it's a piece of property and I don't appreciate it being trashed. You live there. Take some pride in where you live. I'm not making a dime off that house right now. I know a lot of my friends who own rental property say the same thing. So to MSN, and anyone else who thinks it's a good idea to give people ideas on how to hose your landlord, can I have some equal time and tell renters how to work with your landlord?

Inhale, Exhale

2012-01-19T16:27:00.000-08:00

Awhile ago, I read an article on MSN about how to, basically, screw your landlord. Of course, it wasn't phrased like that, but that was the general idea. Ask about lowering the rent, show comparable options, trade work for a lowered rent. All of those are good ideas, and quite acceptable if you are a decent tenant. If you are not a good tenant, none of those ideas are new to you. You wrote the book on how to screw the landlord and feel good about it.
Not long ago, I got a call from a neighbor to the house that we rent out. The house is on a narrow street, and it seems our tenants had, at one point, five cars parked on the street or in the driveway of a home with a 2 car garage. Obviously, this presented a problem because her mother can't get out of the driveway to go to physical therapy. The neighbors had let it slide for a bit, thinking "It's the holidays, of course there may be extra people." She kindly, as far as I know, asked them to not park the cars where her mother might hit them, and got yelled at and told to mind her own business for her trouble. Taking the time to find me through the tax rolls, she called me up and very politely, told me what was going on.
She listed people coming and going far too often and far too regularly to be guests. "Nope, not on the lease. Nope, not on the lease. Nope, not on the lease." Oh, and the big rig. Did I mention the big rig? Did I mention the street is one and 1/2 car widths? It's a two way street, but if you can pull over while headed southbound, it's polite to do so. Especially if you have FIVE additional cars in front of one house. Which doesn't work, by the way. The houses are too close together. So you have 1 1/2 cars in front of one house, and the rest all over the street, blocking access to driveways.
We chatted for a bit, and I told her I would look into it.
My management company agreed to do an inspection, (an inspection by the way, I had asked for months ago when I learned someone else had been subleasing from the tenant and was blown off, so I know that if she had nipped it in the bud then, we wouldn't have this problem, but since she didn't, and I couldn't prove it, and she wouldn't prove it, I'm screwed, but that's beside the point) about which the tenant balked. Ninety-six hours after I called, she got into the house. Tenants have 48 hours legally, so they put her off for another 48, totally allowing the subleasing squatters time to find a hotel room.
Now, to be fair, I should have realized something was wrong months ago. These tenants whine about everything. There's a reason I'm paying big bucks for the home warranty every month. For the first four or five months of the lease, I was paying them to live there. Anyway, I should have figured out something was amiss when we went for six months without any complaints.
So, management company gets in and, surprise!, finds additional occupants. I say, raise the rent. Here's the base price, if he is renting out the rooms for this much, that money now comes to me. She says I can't do that, I can't change the lease in the middle of the agreement. Why the heck not? They did. Well, I have to work within the law. Fine, then, kick them out. There's no proof anyone else is in the house. Really? We have to have THIS conversation again? Because really, yes, there is. The neighbors, on both sides, might I add. An independent contractor told me months ago. Oh, and the fact that you were there, and noticed additional people and cars.
In retaliation, the tenant, the only one on the lease, is now calling the warranty about problems that should have been fixed months ago, but he didn't want to let anyone know he was violating the lease, so now, they are bigger problems.
I have spent all day on the phone telling vendors to call the management company. I got two e-mails telling me about scheduled work to be done for the same problem. That's not going to fly. I will only pay once, and the new rent better be retroactive for this month when it comes in. Absolute retribution. Absolute pettyness.
Bottom line? Four bedroom, two bath, diving pool, close to an elementary school will be available in 3 months.

Totally Random

2012-01-04T18:43:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was the neighborhood busybody. I didn't mean to be, but suddenly, there I was, tattling on a kid who had skipped school (c'mon, if you're going to park your car around the block and walk home, then hope nobody knows where you belong, you deserve to be grounded), gave up names and a phone number to another neighbor (long story) and signed an affadavit regarding my neighbor's divorce. (That one is going to get ugly, if it isn't already).
I had totally forgotten about all of them until tonight, when my daughter and her friends were playing outside. My neighbor's soon-to-be-ex gets in the car with their daughter, calls to me, "Neighbor, I'm taking her to soccer practice" and drives off.
Oooookay. You do that. Further bulletins as events warrant. I shrugged, kept talking to my friend and just kind of thought it was odd. A few minutes later, the epiphany came. In part of my affadavit, I had indicated she didn't take little girl to Brownies, to soccer, to school, anything; the girl's dad did. Not for lack of time or work schedule, I just never got the idea she much liked her daughter. So she has to call to me, "Neighbor, I'm taking my daughter to soccer."
Five years. We have been neighbors for five years. Our daughters have often played together, they're six weeks different in age. Five years, and you still don't know my name?
I suppose if it comes down to me testifying (and I'm all done with my busybody phase, so I certainly hope it doesn't) I'll have to say, "Your Honor, she took her daughter to soccer ONCE, not the rarely or never I specified."
Awesome.

Christmas music

2011-12-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

I played the viola for four years. Badly. I have to specify that, so that people know that yes, I "played" an instrument, but it far more often sounded like cats in heat than any real music. (And yes, we had a cat lady neighbor, so I know the accuracy of the comparison.)

Fortunately, my son plays the piano a lot better than I ever played the viola. (The viola, by the way, is a strange mating of the cello and it's smaller relative, the violin. It is slightly larger than the violin and has a deeper sound.)

A couple of months ago, a Facebook friend posted her kids had outgrown their piano, and now the space could be better used for other things. First fifty bucks takes it. I don't think my fingers have ever flown overthe computer keyboard that fast, staking my claim on that piano. Ryan had been practicing the piano on a Costco keyboard, which worked very well, until he needed more keys.

A little bit of negotiation later, the piano had found a new home. I don't know that my friend was thrilled to find me at her doorstep at 8 a.m. the day the movers came, but she, rightfully, wanted to be paid prior to me taking possession.

When Ryan came home from school and saw the piano, he immediately sat down and started playing some of the songs he had learned. A while later, he noticed that it needed to be tuned. It should have been tuned right after it moved to my house, but that was pretty low on my priorities. After I got it tuned, he came in, played a couple more songs and appreciated having a tuned piano.

Now, he walks up, pounds out a song, and leaves. Sometimes he'll play two, but right now, he belts out one, then leaves. Our family joke as he races through them is "Hooray! You finished before Frosty melted!" He'll play while his sister sings along, speeding up and slowing down to see if she can keep up. Entertainment at its finest.

Piano: 50 bucks

Moving piano: 80, cash

Tuning piano: 95 dollars

Family entertainment and the kids working together: Priceless

Bloom Where You Are Planted

2011-12-15T16:25:00.001-08:00

I've been kicking this around in my head for a while, and it's been fun to have ideas for columns or blogs taking up space in my brain.

My mom had a kitchy sign in her kitchen when I was a kid, probably toll-painted, that said, "Bloom Where You Are Planted". As a kid, that made no sense to me. Was I a plant? A weed? Who bloomed and how?

I left for college, leaving the home, the state, and everything but the weather that I knew. Deliberately choosing a school where I knew nobody, I ensured that nobody knew me. I loved college, loved everything about it. I loved meeting new people, finding some of my talents, appreciating the different city.

After I graduated, I moved to yet another state where I knew maybe ten people. Rather than embracing it for the positive change it was, I kicked against the pricks, I raged against the machine. This move, by the way, belonged to me. No one forced me to live in what I not-so-affectionately termed "this god-forsaken plot of land". Six months after I moved there, I got engaged. How he still loved me after all complaining I did baffles me. Six months later, we were married, and moved into another area, about five miles from our apartments. Within months, weeks perhaps, we had identified closely with four or five other couples in that neighborhood who had all married at about the same time -- the same day, in one case. As we spent time in each other's homes and learned more about each other, that sign that hung in my mom's kitchen began popping up in my friends' home. This time around, I got it.

So your husband's, or wife's, job or schooling takes you out of your comfort zone. Learn about those with whom you are breaking bread. In fact, bake some bread and take it over to your new neighbors so breaking bread together becomes an option. Find those who need a friend. Oh, that's you? Great, look around and find someone else. Appreciate all the things that you can do in your new city. Go to a museum. Hit the beach. Sign up for a class. Don't worry about looking silly, remember, nobody knows you yet.

A friend of mine moved from the West Coast to the East for her husband's schooling. While it has been an adjustment for her, she's doing fine. What drives her batty is the mentality of many of the other wives, who pine for their perfect home state, and hate, with all their heart, this one. It's going to be a long two years for them. I know this kind. Pining and yearning for what once was. Feeling traitorious for liking someplace else.

You can't live in two areas. While keeping up with what goes on at "home" is nice, it exhausts most people who live both here and there. One of the other pitfalls of living in both places and pining for the place you love while existing in the one you hate is the return trip. People move, pets get old, places of business close down. By the time you get back to the idealized, idolized home, everything could have changed.

Bloom where you are planted. Make whatever place you are better because you are there.

Father's Day

2011-06-16T18:15:00.001-07:00

I know the thought, the mere thought, of Father's Day turns knees to jell-o and insides to squishy bread dough (I've been in the kitchen, experimenting today, can you tell?) but for all the horrible, no- good very bad dads out there, I'm sure there's an equal and opposite dad.
My dad, without fail, qualifies as one of the equal and opposite dads. I've never had the experience of wondering what will befall me if I came home late, or totalled the car and hoping that mom could talk to dad first, or maybe, if I was really lucky, I would be in another state by the time he came home. Nope. Never had the drunk, the abusive, the mean, the crude rendition of a father.
In short, my dad rocks. Here's the thing, he's just a dad. He's not Superman. He's not Trump. (Thank heavens.) He's just a dad. He and my mom have been married for 43 year, yeah, that sounds right, and have lived in the same house for 40 of those years. He's raised five daughters and a boatload more people call him "Dad". He takes it for the compliment that it is. My dad has worked for himself, a one-man band type operation for years. While that meant some weeks were crazy busy and we wouldn't see him for a couple of days (my favorite day is April 16. Only an accounting orphan would understand why) it did mean in his non-busy season, he could pick his own hours. If that meant a long, lazy drive somewhere in the state (or not) we did that. His idea of "being in the neighborhood" was anywhere within about 100 miles.
I wasn't a perfect kid, nobody is. I did wreck his car once -- it wasn't my fault, it was just the bad timing that I had wrecked my alignment three days earlier -- and no, he didn't want to see me in his house anymore that day. I get that.
While he may not say "I love you" all that often, I've never doubted he loves me. (He ends phone calls with "keep in touch". That amuses me.)
I don't know how many road trips he took with my sisters. I do know that he took a lot with me. We drove the entire strip of Redwood Road once, just because we could. We wandered up to a friend's mission farewell -- a five-hour drive -- because we could. That one was a little interesting. He came with me on a road trip from Salt Lake to Northern Idaho for a friend's wedding when one of my friends couldn't make it. Salt Lake to Northern Idaho is a long way along I-15, by the way. I remember airport runs with him at midnight on April 15.
My dad went to bat for me with crazy teachers. My dad was PTA president after my mom said no, thank you. My dad got hauled into a crazy principal's office once for something my mom wrote -- we all still think that's hilarious. All five of his daughters have bachelor's degrees. Some overachievers have more than that.
It's a touchy subject, so many turbulent feelings, so much emotion.
But I'm standing up for the other dads, the ones who are just dads. Not flashy, not obnoxious. Just dads as every kid hopes to have one. This Father's Day, I'll stand proud and say, "Yep, that's my dad!"

Random

2011-05-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

As reports of Osama bin Laden's death come in, the new report supplanting information from the old one, and the information becoming more hazy through the perspective of time, I find myself reading, and rereading of them.
The thought that crossed my mind just now, when I read that bin Laden cost the United States $3 Trillion over 15 years (http://www.nationaljournal.com/magazine/the-cost-of-bin-laden-3-trillion-over-15-years-20110505?page=1) I am astounded, once again, at the man. And at us.
We know bin Laden was the biggest, baddest bully on the playground, and someone had to take him out. But $3 Trillion dollars? 15 years? What I find most amazing is how his hatred for the United States got the better of him. He was a smart man. He had to have been charismatic to have so many followers and, at last count, three wives. So my question is this: Why didn't he take that charisma and turn it to the good? What was decribed as a mansion in Pakistan would be, seriously, a large hovel in the US. Why didn't he take his followers and rebuild his neighborhood?
Was he so jealous of us that his only recourse was to smack us around -- with very large amounts of warfare? Was he so insecure that the only way to make himself look good was to make us look bad?
What other "stereotypes" have we heard about bullies lately? They're really cowards, one good sucker punch to the stomach will generally shut them up, mob mentality is easy enough to fall into, extremely difficult to get out of. All of those applied. But why didn't he rebuild his neighborhood instead of terrorizing the global playground?
$3 trillion is a lot of money. I can't even wrap my head around that. That's a lot of money for rebuilding, that's a lot of money for educating, that's a lot of money for living. And we went and spent it on a man, an idea and a country that's just as happy to spit in our eye.

Awesome things

2010-12-30T15:13:00.000-08:00

Over Thanksgiving, RJ and I went to Phoenix to visit family. I'm not sure what government genius decided that Thanksgiving weekend was the time to work on a bridge on the 10, turning a relatively minor, should-only-be-five-hours car trip into ten. With the dog. And two kids. Now, RJ isn't the best of road trippers on a good day, and this most certainly was not turning out to be a good drive.
He and I have a nasty habit of what I call spiralling. He'll complain, I'll respond with a whine, he'll add something to my whine, I echo his complaint. It's a charming system we'd very nearly perfected. Thing is, though, we never whine/complain/gripe about each other, just whatever situation we're in at the time that warrants it.
And I say "very nearly perfected" because a couple of years ago, on a particularly short drive, we managed to wind up at our destination snarling and generally unfit for human companionship -- a shame as we were to spend the next three days with family.
Anyway, on our recent long drive, we decided to break the spiral habit and try something else. Instead of griping, we came up with things that were just awesome. Not earth-shattering awesome, but awesome nonetheless.
1. Snorkelingoff the coast of Hawaii and seeing for what seems like miles under the clear blue ocean
2. My son practicing the piano without me nagging him
3. Fresh baked bread
4. Homemade cookies
5. Experimenting in the kitchen and figuring out a new recipe
6. A good book
7. Getting to the end of a suspect book and finding out it's NOT aliens
8. A beautiful sunset
9. Inside jokes
10. Unbroken sea shells

The trip took forever, and I can't remember everything. I'll add more when I do.

10.

Monday morning quarterbacking

2010-12-29T15:14:00.001-08:00

Anyone catch the news about the guy who is facing felony charges for reading his wife's e-mail? Felony charges.
http://www.cfnews13.com/article/news/2010/december/188252/Ex-husband-faces-felony-charges-for-reading-then-wife%E2%80%99s-e-mail
The 33 year old has read his wife's e-mail before, and according to other sources, she had given him the password.
Companies are allowed to monitor e-mail and internet usage; if a couple purchased a home computer with household funds would logically fall unto this same clause.
If the husband had accessed the wife's e-mail before, presumably with her permission, tacit or explicit, there is no reason for him to stop that practice. Sure, tension filled the house, but hey, in the midst of affair, I would imagine it to be anyway.
If she didn't want him to read the e-mail, she should have changed the password and then, really, not left the notebook sitting next to the computer. I sincerely hope the judge throws this out.

Current events

2010-08-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

All through 2008, the country talked of, heard of, and anticipated change. It is precisely that change that gives me the feeling of hopelessness, futility and frustration that I carry with me now.
I vote in every election, whether that be for my community's water district or for President of the United States, and I know that every election is not going to go my way. I get that. It's part of living in a democracy. However, when I, and 52 percent of others, vote one way just to watch it get declared unconstitutional by one judge, I have to wonder why I even try.
Prop 8 was overturned yesterday. Am I surprised? No, not at all. The fight has just begun on this issue. I am, however, concerned for the unintended consequences this action will bring.
First off, let me say that I am LDS, my church leaders did encourage me, and all others of our faith, to pray about this cause and help if we felt that it was the right thing to do. I did not take this admonition lightly. I did not simply jump on the bandwagon. A lot of things about Prop 8 didn't sit well with me. So, I prayed about it, and felt that I did need to help pass Prop 8.
But it wasn't an easy choice. The argument that gay marriage would take the sanctity out of marriage made no sense -- marriage has been destroyed from within. How could two people in love possibly affect how I felt about my marriage, my husband? It couldn't.
Again, I didn't go to the polls lightly on this issue. However, and this is where I am most frustrated and feel helpless, is the affects this law will have. People have said "Let the gays do whatever they want. Who cares?" Fine. Then let the straight people do whatever they want.
People have said "Find real issues to worry about." Fine. Tell that to the the photographer who got sued for not taking pictures of a gay wedding. I'll bet that is a real issue to him. Tell that to the doctor who got sued for not implanting an embryo in a woman in a lesbian relationship. I'll bet that lawsuit is pretty important to him.
"Kids don't need a mom and a dad. Two moms is fine." Fine. Tell that to the son who just wants his dad to coach his soccer team.
My son has had perfect attendance for a couple of years. Should May 22 be a free-for-all kind of day to learn about Harvey Milk, I will pull him out of school and go bowling. I do not want the state making judgement calls about what my children get to know. Teach them reading, writing, arithmetic and how to work with others and leave the rest to me. I didn't have kids just to turn them over to the state for them to raise. (Especially considering the current state of the state, but that's another post.)
I'm sick of the delusion that I have any say in any matters. Hope? Nope. Not here. Change? Change isn't always a good thing. I don't believe in "this is how we've always done it-itis" but the outright hostility and disrespect for the American people is getting real old, real quick.
And the sad part is, I don't know that anything I do will have any affect on fixing it.

This needs to stop!

2010-05-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100504/ap_on_sp_ot/us_virginia_lacrosse_slaying

Have you ever been really mad? I mean, really, really angry. Angry enough to do some damage to someone? But you stop before you get to that point, right? Enough of your conscience wakes up and says, "Stop. Don't do this." Most people have been angry, livid, or hurt enough that they really want to do hurt back, but fortunately, most people gain control of themselves.

Not everyone. A boyfriend beating a girlfriend, a husband hurting a wife, a wife smacking a husband, a parent abusing a child all could have stopped, but didn't.
This article made me sad. A young woman, just 22 years old and ready to take on life, gets killed by someone with whom she had been involved. Why does he decide he can take someone's life? He's only 22 as well. What a ruined life. What a bunch of lives destroyed.

However, what got me in this article, was the lawyer's attitude of "it was a tragic accident." No. No, it wasn't a tragic accident. Tragic, yes. Accident, no.

This wasn't the first time the young man raised a hand to his girlfriend. Do I know this as fact? No, but murder isn't something that happens immediately. From my understanding, it's a crime felons end with, not start. The first time he hit her, she probably felt surprise, but after an apology and some flowers, rationalized that they were so good together, and he did love her, he honestly did, that she could ignore this. As time went on, I'm sure he hit her more often. But he always apologized, and it wasn't his fault. If she had been home when she said she would be, instead of helping another student in the library, he wouldn't have had to punish her. If she had texted him when she said she would, she would have been fine. And if she had stopped flirting with his teammate, nothing would have happened. When she flirted the first time, he was a little proud, knowing he had scored such a good looking girl, but then she didn't stop. So he had to remind her that she belonged to him.

When her teammates asked what happened to her eye, she lied, and told them she's clumsy and hit herself with her lacrosse stick. They believed her the first time, but then that bruise on her upper arm looked like fingerprints, so where did that come from? "The shelf in my room. I fell hard into it" could have been an easy lie.

Do I know this for a fact? Of course not, this story just came out. But how many times must we have this story? Domestic violence is not okay. It is not okay to hit. No woman should have to live that way. Again, I'm filling in my own blanks and drawing my own conclusions, but I'll bet this isn't the first time he hurt her. This time is the last time.

Awww. So sad.

2010-04-05T14:15:00.001-07:00

I didn't have a good relationship with one set of grandparents. Had a decent relationship with my paternal grandfather -- as he lived with us, it was in everyone's best interest. My maternal grandparents was a whole different story. But the woman who is complaining that she can't see her grandson because his father got legal custody is a story unto herself. The man, we'll call him David, married a woman from Brazil. They had a baby, Sean. Mom takes Sean "on vacation" to Brazil, where she divorces David and then remarries. She dies in childbirth. Meanwhile, David has been fighting for custody of his son, a fight that by necessity covers two countries. After a five year fight, he finally gets custody. Grandma Brazil is angry that when she comes to the U.S. to visit, she's turned down. She claims she misses him, and I'm sure she does.
But my questions are more to her than to David. Did you, at any point, encourage your daughter to oh, communicate with David? Obviously, she didn't love him. I get that. But once you have a child together, lives intertwine. And stay tangled. But I digress. Did Grandma Brazil encourage her daughter to leave David? We don't know. Did she encourage her to give David some visitation? Again, speculation, but I would have to say no.
So now, David has custody and Grandma Brazil wants to visit. How many times did Sean say, "Hey, where's Dad?" or "I miss Daddy" just to twist in the wind?
David has said that at a later time, he'll let Grandma Brazil visit, just not now. Personally, I think five years would be a fine timeline. That's as long as David fought in two countries for the rights to be a dad.

Victim? Really?

2010-02-16T16:16:00.001-08:00

Betray: 1: to lead astray esp: SEDUCE 2: to deliver to an enemy by treachery 3: to fail or desert, esp. in time of need 4: a to reveal unintentionally b: SHOW, INDICATE c: to disclose in violation of confidence ~ vi: to prove false
Okay, now that we have the definition of betray (betrayal, betrayed) *cough Mr. Clinton cough * down, let's talk about it, shall we?
Tiger Woods, unarguably one of the best golfers on Planet Earth right now, is in seclusion for sex addiction.
Meanwhile, all of the women with whom Tiger was acquainted have started crawling out of the woodwork.
This morning on CNN (Feb. 16, 2010) one of his mistresses, Joslyn James, came to the media in tears, armed with her lawyer, the esteemed Gloria Allred. It seems that the erstwhile porn star had gotten pregnant, twice, by Woods. As far as it all goes, this is salacious, but largely irrelevant.
What is relevant to me is that she declared, through her lawyer, that she had been betrayed by Woods. Excuse me? Of the definitions listed above (Websters Collegiate Dictionary, by the way) I can't find one to fit her definition. As a mistress, did she have any expectation of a longer term committment, and he failed her or deserted her? She claims he didn't even know about the pregnancies as one ended in a miscarriage and one in an abortion; therefore, he could not have deserted her in time of need.
Did he lead her astray? If she was an "adult film star", I truly cannot see how much more she could be led astray. Perhaps to church? Leading her astray from her chosen career? Moving on.
"To deliver to an enemy by treachery" is our third definition. Who is the enemy? The media? She went there all on her own (and again, with the help of the esteemed Allred). Elin? Certainly an enemy here, but James was not delivered to her. Next.
Our fourth definition is "to disclose in violation of confidence." Run this by me one more time, who went to the media? CNN's Headline News, no less. Oh, wait. It was James. Still not seeing how Woods betrayed her.
Now, I feel for Elin, who could easily claim at least a couple of those definitions. She, however mad she is, has held her head high and hasn't whined to CNN.
But just to make it clear. James, and any of the other mistresses, do not get to be the victim here.

Can't have it both ways

2009-11-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

I love reading the different ideas presented online. It used to be that if you wanted a different viewpoint, you had to subscribe to two or more sources, but now, it's all right here.

That doesn't mean, by the way, that I believe all that is out there, drifting through cyberspace, just waiting to be adopted by some misguided and/or naive soul.

I read a couple of essays on line recently that make me scratch my head. First off, I am not a feminist, so these rubbed me the wrong way.

In the first one, the author decries women who change their name upon marriage. Why would we do this? We've worked so hard for our own identity, why would we change our name and lose our identity? To this I would reply: We are constantly changing our identities, and yet nobody seems confused about it. Changing our names is not the same thing as changing our identities. I have four biological sisters. As a child, I was often "Shantell", but as my parents went through the kids, I was often called a sisters's name. I thought it was hilarious when my parents went through most of us and we ended up with "Shandralyn." Occassionally, they gave up and called whichever one of us was at hand, "Blondie!"

Here's the thing. I still knew who I was. Being called by my sisters' names did nothing to diminish who I was and still am.

As a child, I was known as "one of the Kirby girls" or "Dave's daughter." Neither of those are my name, but they helped identify me. This didn't diminish my identity.

When I got married, I took my husband's name. I added an identity; I didn't diminish who I am. I have children and when I volunteer at school, I am known as "Ryan's mom." That's true. I am Ryan's mom. I am Dave's daughter. I am Andrea's sister. I am RJ's wife. But before I was any of those, and after those go away, I am Shantell. I will always be Shantell.

My sister-in-law worked very hard for her DVM -- she's a vet. She earned it under her maiden name and practices under her maiden name. At home, or in social situations, she uses her married name. Nobody seems confused, nobody wonders who she is. Neither identity diminish the other; they both compliment her whole self.

I need to think on the other one I read for a little bit.

2009-11-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

I know, in light of all that is happening in the world right now, this one is pretty mild. But, it did get my attention -- and that's not always a good thing.
Seems a twenty-year old wore a mini dress to class and got expelled. Administrators say it was her attitude more than the dress, which may be true. I can't find the original article, but it said she was going to sue for harassment, because "I'm the victim." Victim? You were asked to change clothes, the school has a dress code, and you're the victim? With that attitude, you will always be the victim.
Is it embarrassing? Sure. I remember sitting in detention in ninth grade (can't remember why, most likely attitude) when my friend Mark shuffled in. He had been caught with a shirt that was inappropriate (most likely a beer logo, but hey, it was ninth grade) and he was embarrassed. (Knowing Mark, chances are good he didn't know it was an advertisement for beer.) Did he wear that shirt again? Nope. Did I wind up in detention again? Nope.
Learn from it. Move on.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/us_student_dress_odd

You Can't Have Them!

2009-09-29T12:33:00.001-07:00

Dear President Obama,
I just wanted to take a moment to discuss some of the policies that are flying fast and furious out of Washington, D.C. I know, I'm just a mom, not some big power player, and certainly not an expert, but I feel as though I have some relevant questions and information to bring to the table.

First off, let me say I appreciate your bringing the health care issue to the forefront. I have a couple of thoughts on that, and then I'll move on to what I really want to discuss with you today. There are too many managers and not enough people who actually do the work. Cut out some middle management and work productivity will increase. Second, if doctors posted a "menu" or a list of services, I would know exactly what to expect. How much sense would it make for me to walk into a day spa and hope they gave me what I wanted without overcharging me for what I didn't want in the first place? It wouldn't make sense, so why do we allow doctors' offices to do that? Third, oh, I guess I had more to say on this subject than I thought, why do we (patients, citizens, doctors, whoever is involved) allow doctors to charge more to the insurance companies, to then have it written off? Just tell me how much something will cost and leave it at that.

Now, onto my real concerns regarding children and schools. It's pretty basic, Mr. President. You don't get my children anymore than you already have them. I realize the United States is falling behind other countries in intelligence and studies and test scores, but children have to have a balance. If I give you my children for more hours of the day, who will teach them honesty, integrity, family traditions? When will my son practice the piano, which is something he enjoys doing? When will he go to soccer? When will my daughter have time for gymnastics? They won't get that physical education in the schools -- physical education has been severely limited.

When will my children have time to visit grandparents and family that lives out of state? When will they learn who they are and what it means to be a kid? When will my son have time for Cub Scouts? When will my daughter have time for Girl Scouts? Both are worthwhile organizations dedicated to helping young children be the best they can be. When will they have time to learn service?

I had my children so my husband and I could raise them. I am an educated woman who chose to stay home with her kids. My husband is an educated man who made wise choices that allow me to stay home with our children.

You don't get my children, Mr. President. They will not pledge anything to you. They will pledge their allegiance to the United States, of which you are a part. They will pledge to do their duty to God and their country. But you can't have them.

Sincerely,
Shantell Sunderman

A week in review

2009-06-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

This has been a good week for journalists. Although I am no longer (and really, let's be honest, never have been) among their ranks, I am inclined to toss my two cents into the fray.

First, Ed McMahon. After a long life, long in the entertainment world, he left us. While I will remember him mostly for the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes spokesman, I'm sure others will never hear the name "Johnny" without looking for Johnny Carson.

Next up: Farrah Fawcet. Her, I will remember. At odd times, when I see the hair of the 70's, she'll come to mind, because, really, that is what defined her to me. Alas, she was shoved out of the limelight even in death.

Lastly, Michael Jackson. An icon among icons. Honestly, the man was stranger, weirder, quirkier than anyone who's been in the public eye, and yet, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that has gone on this week defies my logic. Crowds are mourning, up and coming artists are lost, the world, it seemed, had lost its Peter Pan.

Sadly, Mark Sanford is one who is benefitting from all the attention being given to MJ's death. The more the media focuses on Jacko's death, the more the focus isn't on him. He is the latest in a long and illustrious line of men who wreak havoc with their personal choices. Only in the case of Sanford, and Spitzer, and Edwards, and many others before them, it's not a personal choice. By their own choice and admission, they are in the public eye, therefore under more scrutiny then the guy down the street. These men have bought all that their money can buy, they are now spending their morals at an alarming rate. Do they think they won't get caught? Well, yes. Do they think they are infallible? Of course. Are they sorry? Sure. They're sorry they got caught.

Less has been said for Jenny Sanford, Mark Sanford's wife. She has chosen, wisely, to not stand by her husband. She needs, and has earned the right, to mourn the life she has known in private. She needs to let her children know that at least one parent has the decency to continue to be a parent.

If I was a journalist, by career, not just degree, this would have been a week to be in the newsroom, wondering which direction to turn. I'm a Monday morning quarterback, looking at the week in review and wondering, as my friend noted, who is next. I left Carradine off the list, and these things always come in threes, so we're due two more. Maybe only one. I would consider the death of an lifestyle, as in Mrs. Sanford's case, strike two. Or five.

2009-02-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

An open letter to Nadya Suleman:

Dear Ms. Suleman,

First, I would like to say thank you for not having an abortion. I have two children, and I cannot imagine life without them.
Having said that, I would like to know, what were you thinking?
I know the morals of this country have declined, probably to the point of no return, but the fact that you are not being lauded for this amazing feat may have something to do with the facts that you are not married, you have six other children who need you, and oh, you lied.
First, many women chose to have children when they are not married. And being married doesn't mean that you -- or anyone else -- will be a good parent. However, having someone take over when you're exhausted, or simply done with that particular child, makes a world of difference. Plenty of single moms make good moms; unfortunately, it's the ones who continue to make poor choices that the media finds. Society hears about abused and hurt babies, abandoned babies, killed babies because the moms' boyfriends couldn't handle it. Obviously, you have shown that you don't need a man, so this argument is almost moot, but what happens when you are too drained to even open a container of Cheesy Mac?
Second, those six children needed you before, they need you now. In times past, many families had six or more children. The difference is, they had them one at a time and the older ones learned to take care of the younger ones. When all 14 of yours, I repeat 14, are under the age of 7, that makes the poor oldest your unpaid domestic help. Did you know, by the way, that you are now up to 14 children under the age of 7? Let's think about all the ways a child needs his mother. Feeding, burping, holding, singing, learning, potty training. Those are pretty basic. How about as he gets older? Making cupcakes for the class -- usually at the last minute, soothing hurts, finding homework, checking homework, making lunch, going on field trips. All of those require some amount of "being there."
Third, you told the media (who can be sharks, I know. I have a degree in journalism) that you didn't use food stamps. But the $490 for at least one of your children comes from the government. This is where I have the biggest problem with your decision. It didn't affect me at first that you chose to have 14 children. No, it affects me now because you are now going after my money.
So, Ms. Suleman, I must respectfully decline your petition. I don't want my already insane taxes going to someone who has proven she cannot make reasonable choices.
Sincerely,
Shantell

Shock and huh?

2009-02-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

I am shocked, SHOCKED, that Michael Phelps would indulge in marijuana smoking. Seriously. Who didn't see that coming? I admire the guy, I think he showed can be done when one focuses, but really, who didn't see that one coming?
Oh, wait. The same people who thought the housing market was doing fine.
Nevermind.

Gotta love the economy

2009-01-15T19:21:00.000-08:00

I love reading the blogs regarding frugality and saving money. Some of the tips are helpful; many are completely ridiculous.
Today's not-so-helpful suggestion including moving to save money. That's a great suggestion for the single person, living paycheck to paycheck, with barely enough money for a scraped-together deposit on an apartment. For me, not so much so.
Two years ago, my family and I moved from a four-bedroom house to a three-bedroom house and tripled our mortgage. Location, location, location. My husband got a new job, which is why we moved in the first place. The authors of these blogs are suggesting that I sell my (way) overpriced house (in this market? Are you kidding me?) and move to an apartment. It's not their fault I bought at the top of the market, but that's when the job offer came to my husband. Renting for a year would have made a lot more sense, but we didn't figure the bubble burst would be this bad.
Continuing my rant on why I won't sell right now... I love the bloggers' ideas that I can take all of my laundry and do it at a laundromat. Again, are you kidding me? Now that the kids are in school, it could make a kind of sense, but really, hauling two kids to the laundromat to do two or three loads at a time would make for a very long day.
Three, I live in a beautiful community in a great area. While I can walk to a park, and I do, being able to throw open the door to my yard and kicking the kids out to play cannot be understated. In an apartment, the possibilities for this decrease. My house is decent sized, it's not a McMansion, but it's bigger than the apartments in which I've lived. Further, there are times when we just need space away from each other. I once spoke to a police officer who was wrapping up his call at the apartment complex. He noted that Sunday nights were the worst for getting calls; everyone had tired of each other in such a small area. People worked Monday through Friday, and so by Sunday, everyone's patience had worn out. Made sense to me.

Apartments, by their nature, are not bad. They have a purpose.

My biggest rant on the "sell everything you have and rent an apartment" is this. If everyone sold all of their belongings, who would they sell them to? Me? I don't need them. You? You don't need them. Oh, I guess that was a warm-up for this rant. If I sell my house and rent, who owns? It sounds like the bloggers in favor of that idea want to give that to the government. No, thank you. If it went to that, you would get a home when one opened up, and you would like it. Location? Doesn't matter. You'll live here and like it. Who would own? Who would you call when something broke? What would happen when your family grew out of the allotted space?

Just some things for thought.

Leap second?

2008-12-15T10:19:00.001-08:00

Apparently, in an effort to align the stars, sun and moon to the will of the people, "they" are going to add another second to 2008. What, like this year needs to be any longer? I haven't had a bad year, yet, but I know mnay people are counting down the days until this year goes into the annals of history.
A refresher course:
Housing prices crashed, which is decidedly uncool for me, for a couple of reasons.
Bear Stearnes crashed, and burned, thanks to a couple of hot shot kids who thought money came from ATM's.
WaMu? No more Wahoo for WaMu.
Car dealerships are going by the wayside.
Car manufacturers and going, hat in hand, to Congress for a bailout. After getting out of their private jets, they couldn't understand why Congress told them to pound sand.
And, one of my favorites, Illinois soon-to-be-ex Governor Blagojevich showed just how low politicians can go.
So why, of all years, do we want to prolong this one?

Sorry. Really.

2008-11-12T15:13:00.000-08:00

I swear I'm going to leave it alone, and then, without any help from the yes on 8 side, those against it shoot themselves in the foot.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g4gt9xYocUuxDhvjiWZzKIu4MFigD94D0V3G5

'Leaders of the campaign in favor of gay marriage say they made a strategic decision not to highlight gay newlyweds or same-sex couples with children in their ads for fear of alienating undecided heterosexual voters ..."
Lisa Leff, AP 11/11/08

Sooooo, if it's not something you're comfortable with, you expect me to become okay with this? Riiiiiiiigggghhhhttt.

"We were seen more as a liability," Petrelis said. "When you have that kind of attitude, it's no wonder there was little community buy-in." (Same article)

Again, you need my help to shoot it down?

"Exit polls in California showed that the gay marriage ban received a majority from black voters, which has prompted some gay leaders to complain that they were abandoned by a minority group that should understand discrimination."

Ummm, since when have gays been considerated a third of a person? Oh, wait. Never.

Just to be clear: I know some people who are gay. Notice I didn't say I know some gays. I know some people who are gay, like I know some people who are blond, who are red-haired, who are math teachers, whatever. One attribute does not make the whole person. The people that I know who are gay are upstanding citizens, good people who just want to live their lives. I understand that and respect it. I didn't want to be dragged into this. But the ones who are shouting, who are boycotting (side note: Why do you get to boycott my business, but if I boycott yours, I'm discriminating? Makes no sense to me.) are the ones who are hurting the rest. If the loud, aggressive people are the only ones the rest of the world sees, then yes, unfortunately, that's who comes to mind when we think of someone who is gay, and that's a shame, because not everyone is like that.

one more rant

2008-11-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

Open letter to Hollywood:

Why, oh, why do movie and tv stars think for a moment I care? When I go to a movie, I go to be entertained, to be in another world for a few hours. That's all. I do not care what side you are on politically, which is a joke as 98 percent of the actors and actresses have such "open minds" their brains are falling out.
Seriously, I don't care about your causes, unless it's medical, like Micheal J.Fox's crusade to find a cure for Parkinson's.
I would love not to care about your politics, but when you shove them down my throat, I have to at least respond, usually by choking or hacking. What I truly don't understand is how you think that just because you say so, it should be. What, your voice is worth more than mine? Nope.
When you do jump on a bandwagon, it actually makes me want to vote the other way, regardless of the cause.
Please, please, please do your job and not pretend it's your job to think for me. It is not. I can, will and do think for myself. (Even if my first gut reaction is to do the opposite of whatever you are saying.)
You want to be role models for my children? Great. Start with hard work, a good attitude, and some attributes I'm willing to let them follow, including modesty, good choices, good friends, not drinking, not doing drugs, not smoking and not sleeping around.
You didn't want to be a role model? You didn't sign up for that? Sorry. You did. The moment you signed on the dotted line for the role, the song, whatever, you became a role model.
I'm good with raising my kids without your help. I have other sources for inspiration, those who want for my children what I want, and not just a paycheck. But my kids see you. They see the parties, the fun, the tv shows and like that world. Unfortunately, they will also see the intolerance for any way of thought but yours, the parties with the drugs and the alcohol, the multiple partners, the lack of modesty unless I can do my best to keep them away from it.
Do I want my children to be so naive they don't how to live in this world? Of course not. But they don't need to be so jaded that they have to try the next thing just because everything else bores them because they've already done it.
Will I explain to my kids that "Sure, that movie looks fun, but we won't see it"? You bet. I've boycotted actors before and I will again. I know you don't care and it doesn't scare you, but if that's all I can do, it's what I will do.

Give it up, already

2008-11-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

News flash:
The vote came in, and Prop 8 in California lost. For those who say "I don't want you to define me anymore" I have some news. Nobody defines you but you. Do you define yourself as gay? Okay, then, you are. I have no hate towards you; I simply have a lot more love for my family and my children and my rights.

This issue came up in 2000 -- should gays be allowed to marry, to have a homosexual marriage. (Same sex marriage sounds so much less harsh, so for my purposes, let's call it what it is). California said no. Not the state, but the majority of the people in California said no.
Fast forward 8 years. Four judges in the California Supreme Court in San Francisco overturned it. Three said it stands, so four judges overturned the will of millions. Gay Californians celebrated and married. Meanwhile, in Boston, churches no longer offer adoption services because they were forced to consider gay couples, a father got thrown in jail for standing up and saying he wanted to be notified that his child's class had been discussing homosexuality in kindergarten and a doctor got sued for not helping a gay woman become pregnant. This is tolerance? This is the message you want me to get? That if I don' t want to be called a bigot or intolerant, I have to bend my will to your way?
I think not.
Nobody, by the way, has taken anything away from you. You still have your civil unions, your domestic partnerships. So it's a little bit more than a fifty dollar marriage license. But it can be done. Go ahead, have a big ol' party after you get everything set up. But don't call it marriage. It is not.

2008-11-06T09:14:00.000-08:00

Okay, here's something totally random. I get migraines, I have since I was a kid. The first one I remember, I was five. They come once or twice a month, knock me out for 6 hours up to a full day (love those!) and then slither away until the next time. I can't take too much medication or else I get rebound migraines, and if you've ever had a rebound headache, trust me, a rebound migraine is worse.
Migraine sufferers tend to have more strokes, but there's less danger of Alzheimer's. Women migraine sufferers have less estrogen, but now, I just read, that decreases our chance of breast cancer by 30 percent.
Odd, odd connections. So I guess since I don't have a choice and will continue to get migraines, I'll take that over breast cancer and Alzheimer's. I'll run the risk with the stroke.

I know, I know. It's totally random.

Prop 8

2008-10-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

When you were a kid, did your mom ever make you play with a neighbor kid you didn't particularly like? You know the one -- whiny, parents were never home, rude, demanding, clingy. Someone you wouldn't have deliberately spent time with, but your mom said you had to be nice. So you were kind of nice, nice enough, but if you could ditch this person, you did. When that family moved, you were so glad to be rid of the kid. Now you could focus on the friends you had and did actually chose.
This is what Prop 8 in California is like to me. I am being forced -- or will be, no doubt -- to spend time with the kid whose mom calls my mom and says "Your daughter has to play with my daughter." I should have the right to decide with whom I will associate. This isn't about discrimination or hate, simply a matter of with whom I want to spend my time and effort.

Here is a letter from a friend of mine. All of the people listed are being forced to associate and serve those they'd rather not, from moral standpoints to simple point of view.

"To activate, ignite and excite your entire congregation, please invite them to join you at one of the 170 locations across the state where the LIVE, SATELLITE SIMULCAST RALLY will take place this Sunday evening – October 19, from 5 to 6:30 PM.It will be a fast paced, news type show – designed with a special memory device to help your entire congregation, regardless of age, to know how to talk to people during the final two weeks of the campaign.The LIVE, SATELLITE SIMULCAST RALLY will feature: • Green – he is coming all the way from Sweden and will be with us in San Diego. He is the pastor who preached from Romans 1 about homosexuality and was arrested, tried three times, found guilty by the High Court of Sweden and sentenced to one month in prison• David and Tonia Parker – coming to San Diego from Massachusetts. David went to his son’s school and explained that he wanted to opt his kindergartner out when homosexuality was being discussed. He was arrested, taken to jail, went through two trials that he lost, and the US Supreme Court refused to hear the case last week.• Elaine Huguenin is coming from New Mexico. She is the 25 year old photographer that was fined $7000 by the state of New Mexico for refusing to film a gay/lesbian “celebration.”• Tony Perkins – coming from Washington, DC – with the Family Research Council• Chuck Norris (Walker, Texas Ranger) and wife Gina are taping a special video for the simulcast today about the importance of Prop 8• Chuck Limandri – attorney for the four fighters that were forced to march in a Gay Pride Parade• Bob Tyler – attorney for the two doctors who lost their case before the CA Supreme Court when they refused to artificially inseminate an unmarried woman (lesbian).• Scott Hoffman – via Skype – from New Jersey, director of the Ocean Grove, New Jersey church camp grounds where they lost tax exemption for refusing to perform a lesbian civil union• Mat Staver – via Skype – from Virginia – who argued the Prop 22 case before the CA Supreme Court• Pastors Miles McPherson (The Rock), Shawn Mitchell (New Venture), Chris Clark (East Clairemont Baptist)
...and many others. In addition, there will be some fun and humor, but I’ll let you see that when you watch it. To know what church auditoriums are downlinking the LIVE SATELLITE SIMULCAST RALLY, go to www.ProtectMarriageSimulcast.com.This LIVE SATELLITE SIMULCAST RALLY will help your entire congregation to understand all the key issues surrounding Prop 8 in such a way that they will be able to cite all the key points after the show is over. It will equip them to talk confidently with all their friends and neighbors.Only 20 days away from victory,
Jim GarlowSkyline Church, San Diego
Protect Marriage CA
Resources and Information at:ProtectMarriage.com ProtectMarriageCA.com iProtectMarriage.com"

Photo tag

2008-10-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, Jinky. Here's my 4th photo from my 4th file! We had just taken a gondola ride to the top of Vail in July -- beautiful, huh?
Photo tag -- take the 4th photo from the 4th file on the computer. I lucked out and got a good one -- I could have gotten more of the dog!

The waffle recipe from the last blog, by the way, isn't completely random. Mostly, but not entirely. My dad needed the recipe and I was too lazy to retype it, so I thought if I scanned it in, they could get it. Nah. I retyped it and e-mailed it to them.

2008-10-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

Geaw!

2008-10-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

I tend to follow the stock market, without actually doing anything about it. When I was in high school, we had a class/ semester on money, common sense and the stock market and I lost "$1500" that we were using to follow the market. My teacher told me to just invest in bonds and we would all be a lot happier.
Yeah, too bad 401 (k)s don't believe in bonds. I got my husband's 401 (k) tally today. Gotta love the guys who didn't only enjoy taking their company down, but had to drag me down with it. The fact that AIG gets a bailout then gives the execs 20 million in bonuses is enough to make me want to start a class action suit, since they are now well into using my taxpayer money to pay for a yacht I'll never use.
Grrrrr.

Nothin' going on

2008-09-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

The kids have been in school for about a month and a half now. Jayce is loving it; she's a total sponge. She came home ready to join the "100 club" which means that she can write to 100. She started writing to 100 the other day, and I was trying to clean up dinner, but eventually the whole family cheered her on and helped her count to 100 while she wrote it. It didn't count, she had to do it again at school, but she did and was very proud of herself.
Ryan plays goalie in soccer -- a nail-biting position for any mom! He's gotten a lot better, though. Last game he played, he played goalie for three quarters, then got taken out so another kid could play. It's AYSO, all kids play an equal amount of time. That kid's mom was freaking out that her child had to play goalie, whining that it's so stressful for her. Guess what? I know. And my son has been in the goal box a lot.
I went on a field trip with Jayce's class the other day. We went to an apple orchard in the mountains, about 20 minutes away.
Not much else. I'm good with that.

bad joke

2008-09-17T13:22:00.002-07:00

What's the difference between a bad haircut and a good one?

Two weeks.

It's gonna be a long two weeks.

wasting time

2008-09-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

So, I'm home, the kids are in school and I'm trying to find ways to fill my time. I know, I knhow, the obvious solution is to clean my house, but I hate to be obvious. The next solid idea is to get a job, which I will start working on, soon. I'm just spoiled enough to not want anything set because I really like the freedom of running errands when I want to, as opposed to having to pick something up on the way home from an actual job. Since I haven't had a paying job for a year and a half, and five years before that, I may have forgotten what those are like! Right now, I'm the CFO of the Sunderman Corp, but I generally turn my salary back to the company. I know I've had suggestions and been given names, but I wasn't ready yet. Now I have to dig them up again and see what I can do from here!

Laryngitis

2008-09-01T19:12:00.000-07:00

How the heck do you get laryngitis in the summer? My throat hurt yesterday and today, I can't talk at all! It's been a riot getting my kids' attention!

School Days

2008-08-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

I was totally fine with my little girl going to kindergarten. I was fine when we went shopping for new clothes; I was fine when I filled out the paperwork; all of that stuff, I was fine. Very excited, in fact. Looking forward to NOT hearing the theme song of "Suite Life" for a while. My son is in third grade this year, so for him it is no big deal.
When my daughter put her cute pink backpack on (of course it's pink -- her whole world is pink!) and almost fell over because the backpack is so big, suddenly I wasn't so fine. She's so little! She's not, of course. She's five and a half. She's fine. But the packpack is as big as she is!
(I still won't miss the Disney channel when they are at school!)

More vacation

2008-08-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

Hey, everything is better is Colorado!

It's been a busy summer. For the fourth of July, we headed up to Salt Lake to spend the weekend with my family -- it's a lot easier than getting everyone together for Christmas. My kids loved spending time with their cousins and we had a good time swimming at the hotel with neices, nephews and in-laws. (The "at the hotel" part is critical. When we are all together, there are 21 of us. Well, 21.5. I get another nephew in November! When we are all together at my parents' house, the ratio of people to bathrooms is 21:2. No, thank you! )

After our quick (relatively) trip to Salt Lake, I took the kids down to San Diego where they played with their other grandparents, aunts, uncle and cousins. I left them there for a couple of days and then went to get them two days before we went to Avon, Colorado.

Avon is about two hours west of Denver, ten miles from Vail. It is so green there and the mountains go on forever. After four p.m. the gondola going to the top of Vail is free -- wahoo, I like free! -- so we went up there for a while. We managed to get airline tickets before they started all the additional baggage charge drivel (and I love the fact you can't get liquid past security and now airlines are charging for water. Very uncool.)

Oh, then on Tuesday, I went to meet up with a friend from jr. high school. Bonnie and her husband were attending a conference for his job in Anaheim, so off the kids and I went. The kids were in the pool when Bonnie and I felt the earth roll. That was the strongest earthquake I've felt in a long time.

All done wandering.

Random's daughter

2008-07-14T16:13:00.001-07:00

This is what happens when the five -year old gets the digital camera. Fortunately, I no longer have to actually print the pictures to see up mom's nose, in dad's ear, the hindquarters of the dog.... (Up mom's nose and all of that genre, by the way, got deleted before it copied to my computer!) Hmm. Looks like we have the hindquarter of the dog anyway! There are a number of other self portraits that were taken, and then it looks like my kids swapped and took pictures of each other.

Notes to self

2008-07-07T15:31:00.001-07:00

Note to self:
Run the dishwasher and take out the trash before leaving home for four days. Especially during the summer.

Can't help myself

2008-06-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

This one defies logic. Her poor-me attitude is truly frightening, and the fact that she is a licensed realtor who hasn't worked in years should send suitors screaming into the night. I'm with the 14 year old on this one, who thinks mom is embarrassing her.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080627/ap_on_re_us/heart_for_sale;_ylt=AsoVUiHUZHpSJlZNtCP5z8QDW7oF

News junkie. Again

2008-06-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

I found a few stories that just struck me as funny this week. Maybe they weren't funny to the people who star in them, but give it time.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080620/od_nm/thong_odd_dc;_ylt=Av_7z_bAQo2W_ePMH.YjPXcDW7oF
My first thought on this one was "Fifty-two? That's so wrong for so many reasons!

Next: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080620/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_court_girl;_ylt=AlOS2kTHwKtgbL0cTm9uoQDtiBIF Okay, maybe this one isn't so funny. I would be torked if the government decided this was acceptable. It's elementary school -- not high school. Like Mr. Incredible says, we have to stop finding mediocre things to celebrate.

I had a couple more, but then when I couldn't get the links to cooperate, I threw in the towel.

Awesome Trip

2008-05-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

I just got back from an awesome vacation! My sisters, parents and I went on a short cruise to celebrate our parents' fortieth anniversary. In this day, that's a real accomplishment that we wanted to acknowledge.

Friday morning, after dropping my son off at school and my daughter at a friend's house, I went to Los Angelos where I parked my car in the dregs of LA and took a shuttle to the airport. (Seriously. I found the place on line and didn't know anything else about it. Scary!) Two sisters and my parents were at the airport waiting for another sister and her friend, who are flight attendants, so we had no idea when they would show up. Another sister took the bus to the port. Also scary, but she and her friend made it, so all is well.

Anyhoo, we wound up with a group of ten of us -- two parents, five daughters, one son-in-law and two friends.

Totally recommend a cruise! I didn't have to clean up -- or think about breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, lunch or dinner! The crew wanted to attend to everyone's every need, and remembered all of our names. Amazing, since half the time, I get my sisters' names mixed up! (I know who they are all, but when you grow up in a family of five or six girls, names get very interesting!)

So, on Friday, we were on the boat sailing, then Saturday, we docked in Ensenada, Mexico. First time I've ever been to Mexico, actually. My family went to La Bufadora, a blowhole 18 miles from downtown. Near La Bufodora was an open air market where you named a price for things and the owners either took it or made a better offer. I'm not a good haggler, but it was fun.

While on the bus to La Bufodora, we passed a number of things that gave me a boot to the head about how lucky I am to live when and where I do.

After getting back on "Monarch of the Seas" we had dinner -- delicious.

Sunday, we sailed, and my family played games. The waiters and staff came over a couple of times to see what we were doing that we were having such a great time -- we commandeered a table in one of the cafes to play a game -- no other space would have been able to accomodate 10!

I would love to go on another cruise sometime. No cooking for me, no planning meals, light clean up -- all of these are good things. When we all wanted to be together, we could be; when we didn't, it was a big boat, so we could find something else to do!

News Junkie again

2008-04-22T15:16:00.000-07:00

I have been following the raid in Eldorado, Texas since it started. I have read the comments posted on a variety of websites, most notably the Deseret News (old habits die hard -- it's the paper I read while growing up).
As much as it pains me to say this, I am frustrated by the LDS who discount completely polygamy. While I am certain this is not the polygamy God intended, the LDS Church has deep roots in polygamy. You cannot hear of one without thinking of the other. I know the LDS church has not practiced polygamy in over 100 years, but to me, reading the comments of people who so thoroughly denounce it makes me want to remind them of their crazy great-grandma, who, although she may have been certifiable, was no less a member of their family. While the FLDS broke from the mainstream many years ago, there is still history together.
So, a few comparisons and contrasts.
The members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints read the Book of Mormon. So do members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
The LDS believe in the sanctity of marriage. So do the FLDS. They just believe a little differently.
The LDS have a prophet. His name is Thomas S. Monson. The FLDS believe in a prophet. His name is Warren Jeffs.
The LDS are a modest people. So are the FLDS.
Now, some differences. The LDS are in the world, but we try not to be of the world. The FLDS eschew many of the ideas of the modern world, and chose not to be in it. They are not Luddites, as I understand it, and do use cell phones.
The LDS follows, as a generality, the idea of being subject to kings, rulers, and laws of the land. The FLDS have been in their own communities for so long, they seem to have lost track of following the laws of the land.
Am I persecuting them? No. Do I understand why they live as they do? Not really. I cannot fathom having a husband who lays down the law and expects me to jump. Do I think taking the kids away was a bad thing? Again, not really. As one male member of the FLDS church said, "We didn't know it was wrong to marry underage girls." I wish I could find the reference, but I have been reading all of the stories and by now, it's probably buried.
Any group that routinely cleans house by sending away the undesirables, such as teenage boys, needs to be, for lack of a better word, audited. This is an audit of the FLDS in Eldorado, Texas on a grand scale.
There are so many facets to this, and only so long people, besides me, will follow it, so I'll end with that.

Soundtrack of life

2008-03-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

When my mom came to visit last, we went to "High School Musical". My mom saw how much my daughter loved it and bought her a DVD of "High School Musical 2" The kids got it last week when my mom caught up to us in Phoenix (don't ask!) and they watched it all the way home, while I listened and drove.
I'm going back to high school while watching this, or trying to, though I can think of no good reason why. It doesn't remind me of my high school years. There isn't a total geek like me in the whole show! Which is why I'm not getting this show.
I don't remember ever breaking into song for any reason. I don't remember having life choreographed or sung.
I have a cold and my head is fuzzy.

Random

2008-03-07T17:28:00.000-08:00

Wow, last blog was totally random and very jumpy. Things do come in threes, though. My dad was snowblowing about a week after my daughter got stitches, and he slipped on the ice and beat her by eight. Ouch. Then my grandmother in law fell and wound up with two stitches in her head a couple of days later. Three weeks, three generations, three states. How much better could it be?
RJ and I took the kids to see a high school production of "High School Musical" the other day. Somehow, my daughter, who has never seen this and only rarely catches the Disney Channel, knows about this phenomenon. So, with little more than directions scratched on a piece of paper, we piled in the car and drove. And drove. And drove. I finally pulled over to an Applebee's and explained my predicament. The hostesses there were very helpful ... and RJ was in the driver's seat when I got back to the car! My daughter loved the show -- I don't think she blinked six times in nearly two hours -- and my son tolerated it.
Then we went home. And I got lost again. RJ tells me he's getting me a GPS for my birthday!

2008-02-01T14:12:00.000-08:00

My daughter and I had an interesting day last Friday. We've had contractors come out for various reasons -- mainly the fence and the swimming pool -- and I've been polite. Last Friday, as I was speaking to one at the door, I heard my daughter howling. She can be a drama queen, but this was different. I slammed the door in his face and ran to my little girl. She had rolled off the couch and into the coffee table and was bleeding all over. For a kid who doesn't stop moving, and has put herself in much more dangerous situations than the living room, I'm truly surprised this is when we needed to go to Urgent Care.
So, I put direct pressure and off we went. She was really good while waiting. For two hours. Fortunately, Shrek the Third was on the flat screen in the urgent care, so it made waiting a little easier.
Hands down, we took the longest. Others just wanted a prescription. Nope. Two stitches in the head.
Later that day, she had a regular doctor's appointment, one I had scheduled weeks ago. I never bribe the kids to get shots, but that day, I promised them whatever, within reason.
This is why I stay home. So I can be the one to take the kids to the doctor, to urgent care, whichever. So I can go to their assemblies, stuff like that. My son had an assembly Friday morning, and I knew he was getting one award, so when his teacher called and said he was getting an award, I figured it was the one I knew about. Nope. He got two more I didn't know about. I felt horrible for missing those.

Classified ad

2008-01-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

Free firewood. You cut, you haul. Also, slightly used above ground swimming pool.

This was the view from my kitchen window Christmas morning when the winds kicked up and knocked down a tree. The tree went diagonal across the yard, smashing the above ground pool. Fortunately, the pool had been drained for the season. Had the tree fallen any other direction, it would have hit our house or any of our neighbors' houses.

It's really loud when a tree falls and someone is around to hear it!

A Christmas Story

2007-11-15T08:43:00.000-08:00

This generation is raising a bunch of sissies. That's all there is to it. To wit, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21788874 talks about the ten worst toys to come out this year. Some of them have lead in them, which is a good reason to not invite them in your home. Some have choking hazards, little pieces that could fall off. And Polly Pockets didn't make the list? Have you seen Polly Pockets? It's nothing but a set of choking hazards! Some of them will shoot out your eye. Remember "A Christmas Story"? Ralphie never did shoot out his eye.

Do I want my kids to get hurt? Of course not. But if I protect them -- by never showing them the right way to do things -- how on earth am I to expect they'll be smart about things when they have their own money and buy their own rocket launchers?

The next story, speaking of Christmas, is that some Santas, and the Santa factories are leaving it up to the Santas to decide, are being asked to say "ha ha ha" instead of "ho ho ho" so women won't get offended. http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071115/wl_asia_afp/lifestyleaustraliachristmasoffbeat
Are you serious? Ha ha ha is way more annoying! Kids don't know that grinches have taken ho ho ho and turned it into an insult. For those who want to be insulted, there are plenty of opportunities!

Rethinking

2007-11-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. Now that Jinky has attached my blog to hers, maybe I'll be a little more uplifting in what I say. Jinky is a very uplifting person. I'll probably still rant and rave about current events, but maybe more cheerfully.

In other news, we got a dog this week. She's a golden retriever and she's really a good dog. I should take her for a walk, but it may not happen until my husband gets home. I happened to be talking to a friend about a dog, and she happened to have a perfect one.

The dog is just a puppy, but nicely past the whining/ teaching them to go outside stage. However, she did manage to chew anything and anything that is foam today. I had a couple things -- past tense -- made of the fun foam that she mangled. We're learning not to leave anything that is important to us out in the open.

Isn't she pretty?

(Ignore the dustpan and chair. But at least you can't see the paw prints all over the floor right now!)

2007-10-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

For all the people who are making snide comments on the wildfires where comments are allowed: You try being here. You try explaining to your children that they have to stay inside. You watch your kids plug their noses while sitting in the car with the door open because the smell is so strong. You try explaining to your kids why we have bags packed and ready to go. My kids are 4 and 6, so I can give them some information, but not too much. Over 500 homes have already been burned. It's not the fault of the homeowners but the homeowners who have stayed, stubbornly refusing to leave, are taking up valuable resources on the firefighting lines.
I'm still about 10 miles from the nearest fire, but ten miles isn't all that much when you realize how quickly the flames can jump.

Nevermind. I'll stay here.

2007-10-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

A plea to all parents. Please act like parents. I know I sound old-fashioned and out of touch, but please act like parents. Your kids already have enough friends, what they need are parents. Plural. Moms and dads bring different things to the table, and kids need both.
What kids don't need is mom buying weapons for a child who is under 18, and exhibiting some instability.
In Pennsylvania, a mom was just getting her son guns, "indulging the boy's interests because he was unhappy" (AP, 10/11/2007). While that's admirable to want to find something your child is interested in and help them, take a look around and see if the child is depressed, unhappy, unstable, seeking revenge, being bullied, or in other ways looking to use said weapons. The boy, Dillon, said he felt bullied. Here's a question. By whom? He's described as being home-schooled.
The boy had substantial quotes from Columbine and "describes the 1999 massacre as one of his interests" on his MySpace page.
Bowling? Painting? Drawing? Chess? Candyland, for heaven's sake. Computers? Woodworking? Look in the Boy Scout Handbook for merit badges and see if you can interest your son in any of those. Are there no outlets for teenagers anymore?
I think there are. I know there are.
Parents, learn to be parents. Learn to tell your kid no, not now, we don't do that in our family, let me show you another way, any one of the things I know my parents told me. Tell your kids it gets better; living well is the best revenge; make a lot of money doing something you love. It does get better. Fifteen doesn't last forever.
Kids, realize it does get better. Live well. There are plenty of people who had it worse than you do now and are having the last laugh. Find a better hobby. Join a club, volunteer at a shelter, train a seeing eye dog. Round up supplies for Doctors Without Borders so you can see what life looks like for other fifteen year olds. Get over yourself.
Okay, I'll get off my soapbox.
For the moment.
(And I'll be the first to apologize if my children turn into the worst of the worst!)

2007-10-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

I already went here once today, but I'm going here again. The woman who just won additional time to breast feed her child during a demanding test for her Ph. D and MD has just taken thousands of women back in time. The woman, I forget her name, had already gotten permission to take the test over two days instead of just one. That was due to ADHD and some other diagnosis. Now, she needs more time to breast feed than a forty-five minute break every couple of hours. All of the women who fought to be on equal footing, thanks to this woman, fought in vain. She really did a disservice.

Practicing to be an analyst

2007-10-02T08:49:00.000-07:00

I guess you can take me out of journalism, but you can't take the journalism out of me quite yet. I'm a news junkie. I like news. One of the first things we learned as journalism students was check your facts. If your mother says she loves you, verify it with a third party. Another thing we learned was that it's people that make the news. People, general human nature, is unpredictable.
Having said all that, I'm going to jump into the fray and comment on the unfortunate incident in Phoenix this week. Recap: a 45 year old mom strangled herself, allegedly, when handcuffed after disturbing the peace at the airport. She was put into handcuffs and taken to a holding room.
Phoenix has seen its fair share of incarceration deaths, and I'm truly sorry about all of them. This one, though, is an especially sad state of affairs. As I understand it, a 45 year old mother of three was trying to get to Tucson to go to rehab for alcoholism. She did not check in at the gate on time and her seat was given away. Anyone who has ever flown knows this is a possibility. It says so on the ticket, when you click okay on the website, and when you check in and then wander off for lunch. There is no hidden agenda, it's how it's always been. For those claiming that she was not interfering with a flight crew, because they hadn't left the ground, I disagree.
Noboby, but nobody, should have to check in to rehab on their own. Especially if you are traveling a long way, and across the continental United States certainly qualifies, someone should be with you. If you are truly alone in the world, then kudos to you for going to rehab if you need it!
That's not the case here. She had family, she had friends. Powerful family and friends, from all reports. So where were they?
I have kids, two cute ones. They are usually cute, but sometimes, not so much so. What parent hasn't used time out before? Stay with me, I'll get to the point. When this woman was handcuffed and put in a holding room, it was like time out for kids. I'll send my daughter to her room for a time out, and she'll occasionally get stuck on the stairs, looking at a book. Do I need her in her room? Not really. I just need her out of the situation for a bit. That's what they were trying to do for this woman. Calm her down, get her out of the situation for a bit. Unfortunately, she stayed angry and fought.
I feel for the kids. I feel for those poor kids living with this woman who chose anger and alcohol over them. I feel for the kids whose grandmother is so concerned with suing rather than taking care of the kids, who, I believe, are all under nine years old.
The police may have made a mistake, but in all likelihood, were doing their jobs. The woman definitely made a mistake and unfortunately paid for it with her life.

Perspective

2007-09-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

Not having a great day today. Not bad, but I'm sick of my messy house and I've had to drain the pool three times in two days. (Have I mentioned I miss the inground pool, but don't have the million dollars it takes to put one in?) We drained it the first time because, I'm pretty sure, the health department would have cited us. We went on vacation and the pool turned a lovely shade of emerald.
The second and third time we drained it and yes, I know we're in a drought, was because the liner fell. We spent all day fixing it the first time and then found the liner hanging off the side.
However, I know that many people would love to have the problems I have. I just needed to vent. And I'm pretty sure my sisters are tired of me!

Back in the day

2007-08-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

My son found a tape recorder/ player the other day. It's one of those little ones for little kids, but it's the only one in the house that works. Now, he needs a tape to play in it. So, I rummaged through the garage and found something that would be tolerated. He is only six, so he may not get some of the stuff that my husband and I like.

So I found "Flood" by They Might Be Giants. Anyone remember TMBG? My daughter thinks this music is, and I quote, "Great!"

Wahoo! A new generation gets Instanbul is Constinople and Triangle Man!

Now all I have to introduce them to REM and I'm set!

Jumping on the bandwagon

2007-07-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

Or rather, off the bandwagon. Why must one decision be right for everybody? Years ago, I read a book about a kid named Ralph. His parents decided they would be fair to all of their children, so they named the next kid, a girl, Ralph. They tried making the older child sleep in a crib, but that didn't work, so they tried making the baby sleep in a big kid bed. Well, that didn't work either. And on and on.

I have children. Two of them. My husband and I got married in the spring of 1997, and by the spring of 1998, all of our friends who had gotten married had kids. I didn't want one when they did, but the next year, I was pretty antsy. But, the timing was wrong. Our first child was born when everyone else was having their second. Our second was born when everyone else was having their third. A number of friends went on to have two more, nicely and evenly spaced. We're good. We're done. But I am genuinely excited for my friends when they tell me they have more or are expecting. They can take care of them, they like children (Babies are cute, but just like kittens, they grow up. Cats aren't so cute. Sometimes kids aren't either.)

Here's what I learned in the year between wanting Ryan and the year I got him. Don't presume anyone is expecting. It makes for an uncomfortable silence. Don't believe any rumors. If you have to ask, the answer is no. If someone has news, let them tell you. If you've heard it from another source, lie. This is their news and they should be sharing it.

Don't presume people want children. A great couple I know is terrific with children, loves them, does well with them and does not want their own. I think nieces and nephews scared them off.

Others may want children, but health wise, it's not a good idea. Don't preach the values of adoption -- they've probably already thought about it.

Years ago, I asked a woman I had just met, about my age, if she had kids. The pain in her eyes was unbelievable. So, from that point, I dropped it. We discussed it when she brought it up.

Okay, just had that thought and wanted to put it somewhere.

2007-07-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

We just went to Salt Lake for a family vacation and to spend time with my family. I know, I know, there's "vacation" and there's "seeing family" and rarely are the two the same. But I did get to see my nieces and nephews and three of my sisters, so this was a good thing. I'm up to nine nieces and nephews on that side of the family. From Phoenix, the drive is 12 hours and it is not fun. RJ gets antsy after six hours in the car -- you can set a clock by him getting annoying! From Redlands, the drive only took nine hours. And, two bonuses! We didn't have to drive over the dam outside of Vegas and sit there for an hour, plus we didn't have to look for the interchange in Vegas that turns highway 95 into I-15. It's the little things in life that make me happy! :)

Remember playing those car games when you went on a trip as a kid? And swore you would not do that as you got older? The reason those games survive is because they need to! We tried doing the alphabet game, but there's not a lot to do in the desert. Really, how many times can you say "A is for asphalt? B is for brown cow and C is for car. D is for, oh, shoot, there's nothing for D. A is for asphalt. B is brown horse, and C is for car."

Playing "I spy" is just as futile. "I spy a big red Navigator!" Two seconds later... "That just blew right past us, so you can't see it anymore!" There's "I spy a desert!" and "I spy a mountain!" Really. How much fun is that?

However, my son was vigilant in writing down the names of the states from where we saw license plates. We actually got to 20, maybe we had even more.

I had a friend who swore she would make her kids leave their electronic toys at home. Not me. No way. Whoever invented the portable DVD player deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. The trick to that is bringing movies I can stand to listen to when the kids get tired of their headsets.

RJ had to work on Friday, so we left on Thursday, thereby missing the wildfire that shut down I-15 periodically. There's no place like home. There's no place like home!

2007-06-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

I have to agree with the blog I just read on baby names. Wow. I'm still laughing over the site it had linked to, notwithoutmyhandbag.com and then to baby's name is a bad, bad thing or something similar. My son has a pretty basic boy's name -- and he is one of five kids with that name at any playground. My daughter's name is unusual, and she may well spend her life telling people how to pronounce it, but she has a normal middle name in case she wakes up one day and wonders what we were thinking. I didn't name them by randoming choosing letters or punctuation marks. I didn't have my cat dance on the keyboard, whereupon I thought, "kjfoeiksnvoifj!" It looks a little Czechoslavakian and Finnish! I like it! (Oh, wait. I don't have a cat.)

My name is unusual, and I get comments on it all the time. I never wondered what my parents were thinking; I always liked my name. Never had the desire to change it. I actually wonder if there is a subdivision of little girls whose parents heard my name and decided they liked it, thereby naming their kids after the helpful person in the customer service office at their homebuilder.

However, and this is a pretty big however, when you look at my name, it's easy to pronounce...it's pronounced like it's spelled. It doesn't have any random letters to fill space. It doesn't even have a 'y' in it.

Seriously. New parents, ignore the trend of stupid names that celebrities use. Apple? Coco? Moses? Phinneas? Go with a name that will look good on a business card or a resume. All kids can find a way to make the most normal name sound mean (remember Joey from Friends? He could make anything sound dirty!) Go with a traditional name. Who knows, your kid may be the only one with that name, thereby making it unusual!

Another reaction

2007-06-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm inspired to update my blog. I haven't written lately because my life is really boring. No, really. It's boring. But then, boring can be a good thing.

Bingo, Jeff is sober? That's awesome! (Sober for the time you spoke with him, or sober for a bit longer?)

I remembered your anniversary, Brandon! I still have one of the glasses to remind me. RJ and I haven't totally forgotten our anniversary, but we haven't made it a huge deal, either. Some friends went to Bora Bora for their 10 year anniversary. I think we went to Subway. No, wait, we went to see Shrek the Third this year. Took the kids. Had a good time. Fought our way through pirates. Yep, the ones who dressed up as pirates to see the new movie. As I can't imagine it's particularly kid friendly, we haven't seen it yet. However, kids in R's class were asking him if he had seen it. Um, no. R is six.

School is out for the summer. I know when I was a kid, summer was great. There was always something to do. And yet, for my kids, I have no idea what we're going to do for the month of July. It's the third day of summer vacation and I am at a loss! Maybe we'll give the library another try.

I just have to say DUH!

2007-05-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, my dad always taught me to be an actor and not a reactor, but I really have to react to some of the things I just read today. I spend WAY too much time on line, I know this (but I got the car washed today, yay me!). Anyway, scientists have just now figured out some people don't make wise choices. They are the same people who overdraft constantly, wind up in jail, blow a credit card limit, the whole ten yards. (Nine for most people, ten for them). A "decision scientist" shows that some people have "poor reasoning skills." DUH!

Just needed to state the obvious. DUH.

Next topic. Somebody wrote to one of the advice columnists saying she hates the ring her fiancee got her. News flash to the guy. If you don't know what she likes and doesn't like, you have no business getting married to this woman. I'm not anti-guy, I'm happily married (happy anniversary to me and my husband today! Ten years!) but they should have gone together to at least look. I had a friend design her own ring. It was the most ghastly, tacky ugly thing I've ever seen. But, I think the writer was an artist or designer, so someone who knew how to design things.
Since I'm on this topic, proposals should never be a surprise. The time, yes, and place, sure. But it shouldn't come out of nowhere. As a couple, you should have discussed it before any real engagement takes place.

That's all. Didn't want to go to a message board.

biases

2007-03-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

Here's what I discovered as we moved. You bring your biases with you. My son had a wonderful teacher before we moved, a woman who brought out the best in all of her students, called them friends, and communicated constantly with the parents. I didn't realize just how good she was until we moved. She was my son's first teacher outside of preschool, and she is a wonderful teacher and person.
This isn't to say that his new teacher is awful, but rather that his new teacher has entirely different strengths. Many of which have little to do with the scholastic ability to which I became accustomed.
I have also brought my activities biases with me. In our old neighborhood, we had a railroad park, a science center for kids, and a library that was second to none. Of course, we also had many more amenities, but those are the ones that spring to mind. Now, I am in my second week of Spring Break with my son and we are out of ideas. Sure there are parks, but not one with a train. There's a museum around here, but it's more like the one in "Arthur Gets Lost in the Museum", not the science center. The closest science center for kids is an hour away. The closest zoo is 90 minutes. I'm told the library is good, but the kids don't want to give it a chance yet. Unfortunate, because I'm out of things to read.
Again, this isn't to say that there are all bad things out here, or things not up to par, but when you've had the best, it's tough to find the best in the next area.
Other biases are the professionals I used to go to. I don't have a pediatrician yet; who could be as good as the one we left? I have dental work that needs to be done, and have yet to find a dentist.
I know in time I will find the professionals we need -- the pool guy, the garage door company, the dentist, a pediatrician, and whoever else we may need, but it's tough just opening the phone book and hoping for the best.
I know we'll find places to go and things to do, but again, it will take time and getting to know people who know the area.
And a good phone book.

kids...

2007-03-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

Here's my dirty little secret. I never deliberately played Mozart for my children while they were in utero. I never played Bach, either. In fact, I didn't play a lot of music for my children before they were born. I didn't read them Shakespeare, I didn't read them the dictionary, I didn't read encycopedia passages to them. I didn't test spelling words, I didn't even drop $400 bucks to go buy my own heart rate monitor to listen to them when I didn't have a doctor's appointment. My son, however, expressed his preferences early. He liked classical music. He would kick me when I listened to anything else. And his choice was fine. My daughter also had her own preference. She's four and a headbanger. Not that I allow her to listen to headbanging music, but when I would listen to my idea of hard rock, she would move. Not kick, just move, like she was dancing. Now that she's four, she gets really into it when we are places that play it, or I hit the search button on the car radio and she catches a little bit of it.

The funny thing about all this is: my son, who is six, just tested for reading at a fourth grade level. He's had two teachers in Kindergarten, and very quickly, we're deciding that he's going to be moved to the first grade at the end of Spring Break, which would mean three classes in one school year. He can handle it, he handles life as it's given to him, provided I give him a heads up first. Once he knows what's going on, he's fine. He tested at the first grade level for math, so that's where we'll put him.

This is just how my kids are. Had I played Mozart for my children, my son may have been reading earlier than he already did, but to what end? Would my daughter be any more athletic than she is? (She was doing the monkey bars at 18 months. She does them backwards, now!) Kids need to be kids.

Good ideas...in theory

2007-03-06T14:36:00.000-08:00

I have always wanted to have a library. I thought a perfect way to set up my house would be to have a library, where I would have shelves of books, a cozy chair and some soft lights right above the chair. It would be a place where I could sit and relax, read a good book, carefully set my water down on a coaster near my books.
When we moved in, I set up my library. I sorted the books (and we have a lot!) and carefully placed them on shelves. I set up bookcases in the kids' rooms, and then gave them a shelf in my library. Similar books are together, Harry Potter shares a shelf with Bella and Edward, and the library idea worked.
For about a week and a half. Then I realized this isn't how my family works. We read. All over. My son takes after me and reads a couple of books at a time. He's six. He has the book he brings home from school daily, then right now, Tom Sawyer, plus whatever else catches his fancy. And he leaves them all over. Just like I do. I read while my husband watches TV. I read in bed. I read while one side of the sandwich is cooking. I read standing up, in cars, wherever. And my son does the same thing. My daughter is just learning to read, so she'll bring me books that never seem to make it back to the library, let alone the bookshelf in her room. My husband is just as bad. He tends to bring one book all over the house while he reads it, but I've found his book of the day in a lot of places. Right now, I know there are eleven books in the TV room, and those are just the ones my daughter brought to me to read this morning. I think there's one in the kitchen, and then there are the ones on the stairs that didn't make it back to the bookshelf on the landing. Yes, I have a bookshelf on the landing. No, I've never fallen over books while bringing clothes downstairs to throw in the laundry. Yet.
All things considered, I would rather have books all over the house, in varying degrees of difficulty and chapters, than no books in the house, leaving my kids to watch another round of Pooh Bear.

Moving Part II

2007-02-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

I just read an article by a woman who is planning on moving her son from one day care to another. She makes some valid points, including price and distance. In this recent move that I've just made, I have tried to get my daughter back into preschool. Not full day, heck, not even five days, but rather a few days a week for some social activity and friendship. I checked out three preschools or daycares when I visited the area while my husband had a job interview, so I had a pretty good idea about what she would want.
However, there are a few problems with that. First, she's four. Second, she's female. She could change her mind at any time!
I actually went and signed her up, paid my registration fee to the only school with a slot available, and away we went. I hyped it up for her, told her how much fun it would be, the whole nine yards. We got there for her first day and she hated it. Hated it. She did not get off my lap for forty minutes. And this is a child who literally grew up going to preschool, being at preschool. She cried when I told her she couldn't stay because she wasn't old enough, and had "waited her whole life to be in the yellow room." Did I mention she hated this place we investigated?
I've taught preschool. I volunteered myself right into a paid position at a preschool. What I have told parents is the one thing I didn't pay attention to when I signed my daughter up for school, which is, "you have to let your child decide if this is a place he or she wants to be. It may look great to you, but if your child isn't happy, it won't work. If you don't like it, but your child does, look at that, too."
After that fiasco, we drove to another school; this one was older, it wasn't nearly as new or nice or pretty as the one she shot down. We pulled up, and she looked around excitedly. "I like this place, Mommy!" Great, we'll try here! She got down, played with the kids, ran around, participated in the project and hasn't been back since.
Four-year-old girls can be very fickle.

Random thoughts

2007-02-22T10:26:00.000-08:00

While driving over here from Arizona, I wrote columns in my head. I haven't done that since college, but then, I haven't had five hours to myself since I had kids. RJ and I drove separate cars, which was why I started writing things to myself.
One of my first thoughts was that this isn't the way I envisioned moving my family. I had this thought we would all be together, following the moving van. Nope, my husband in the car with cruise control, me following in the car without cruise control (or power anything, for that matter), and the moving truck coming in the next day. And Grandma had the kids for another week.
When my friends moved, and I've had a lot of them move in the last year and a half, I didn't get it. So you sort your stuff, you pack up, you move. How hard is this? I get it now. And I didn't do the cross country thing.
This move was the first move I've made without the judicious use of a relative's truck, so it was a pretty big deal. Everyone has done the "throw all your worldly belongings in your brother-in-law's truck and hit the road," right? Nope, this move entailed the use of a real moving van, with professional movers. Efficient, don't want to miss anything movers. I had to stop packing my stuff, actually, because if I packed it, they wouldn't insure it. This led to things like dust being packed. Yep, actual dust. My husband's favorite was the two bottles of syrup with less than an inch in each bottle that we unpacked. My favorite thing to unpack was the roll of Smarties that I found. Roll, not package. Then I unwrapped a large square of paper, in which I found a piece of pipe that I still haven't figured out where it goes, a piece of scratch paper, and some dust.
Moving gave me the opportunity to throw stuff out, too. I took a truckload of stuff to Goodwill (in my father-in-law's truck this time, brother-in-law was too far away) and got rid of it. Of course, now my six-year-old son is asking for some of it, even though he's the one who told me I could get rid of it.
We're mostly settled now, but it will be a long time before I move again.